When I was young, all I wanted was a nice BMW. Now that I am old I don't care about the W.

CREMATION? Think outside the box.

They got married for better, or worse. He couldn't do any better, she couldn't do any worse.

Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let her sleep.

At my age, flowers scare me.

Food has replaced sex in my life. Now I can't even get into my own pants.

That Snap, Crackle and Pop I hear in the morning? It aint Rice Krispies.

I'm so old I don't buy green bananas anymore.

At my age, the only thing that gets hard is my arteries.

DON"T WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW. After all, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.