No, really. You have to put a night out with the Truck on yer list of things to do before you die. That's somewhat redundant, given the title of this piece.

So aboot 19:30 hours last night, I'm done with insulating and drywallin the downstairs Thundershack, so I says to meself, damn, I is hungry and thirsty. Lucky for me, my spouse lives in Windsor and I live in St. Thomas, cuzz she would have Poo-Poo'd me goin out. Her leash cannot spread over 3 counties. Just a heads up here fellas, drink some honey or something before you check in wit da boss. She knew the minute I called this morning that I had been misbehavin. If I stop checkin in all of a sudden, it probably won't mean I fell off the roof. More likely, I been stabbed. Nuff said. 31 years.

So I gets me no rent payin, 24 year old daughter to run me uptown to Ollies. Karoke bar it is. Dude got no James Brown, but I wallop the Spinners "I'll be Around" and Sam Cooke's "Change Gonna Come" then I crucify, for lack of a better adjective, Blues Traveller's "Run Around" Merciful you didn't see that. Really.

So then this big Dude comes up to I, says I suck. He claims to be 6' 8. I figured him more for 6'6'. Prick. Heads up agin. Look at their hands. Prick was all kinda fleshy. Never even had to smite his ass, and he was backin off. Told me my eyes was all kinda wierd. One less thing.

So, on to the next bar. I'm talkin to these real nice folks. Turns out he is the entertainment for the nicht. "Smokin Dave" be his handle. I don't remember him, but he remembers me from the time 2 or 3 years ago that I pushed his bass player backwards and sang "Pride and Joy" from Stevie Ray. So his girlfriend and I drink s'more, good thing, cause they wouldn't serve me, so she bought, with my money, a muchitude of beverage. There is a GOD. Then another Prick, claimin to be "Security" or some such Bullshit, says I've had enough. Only thing I can think of is "Talking Heads" line "This is not my house, this is not my beautiful wife. What's that song? "Let the days go by, blah blah". So I tease him about wearing gloves. Can you believe this? The Prick is wearing gloves! I used to be a "Security" person my own self. Age 18, drinkin age 21. Age dropped in Ontario couple months later. The bar that I worked at held my paycheck till a more appropriate time My cousin was the manger. Oh, the stories I could tell. And will when prompted. Wanna know about "Holly Woods" and the band "Toronto"? Come to the source. Seen her without makeup. Still puts some lead in the pencil. Feelin me?

So, on to the next bar, after backin off Mr. Mittens, without even breaking stride,go I. The buggars won't let me in the door. Congragulations. A bunch of ShiteHammers finally got it right. Don't let the fool in, then you don't gots to throw him out. Then I walked the half mile home. Only took me a mile. Couple forward, couple back, and a few to the side.

To wrap up, and for relevance, I hope Gary shows at the Golf thing. I galfed wit Jimmy V. and would like to meet Gary one time. Do dat wierd eye thing on his ass. Nuff said.

Shout out to my Optional Gal from somewhere near Nebraska.. Roughly. Show up, Babycakes, and I'll do the puffy thing with my neck in the event that it are necessary. My wife says that's even more wierd than me eyes. She says it is odd. Whatever. Saved our ass many times. The best blood spillin is when it never happens. On a rare occasion the neck follows through. Tis what it tis. Nuff said.

'Nother shout to me buds from last year.

Spoke to Strato and he tells me you would like to join me and Momma Truck for 'nother round of galf. I'm fixin to e-mail you a quarter so you can maybe buy a real life. Course you live in the GTA ergo $.45 might be more appropriate. Whatever. I can't believe you would want to see us agin, tho me spouse is rather a hoot. I'm up for it. One of the best rounds I ever messed up. Some mother humper bested me longest drive. Neck is puffin up.

Final shout to My Opti from wherever. Got yer back. It's Canada. We hardly even treat the water.

Truck.